Breaking a relationship, irrespective of its duration, long or short, hurts both the persons involved. Unless you are basically a selfish and cruel-hearted person, who gleefully enjoys other’s tears. Or a sadist, who sticks to an otherwise unworkable relationship. But taking oneself out of a liaison, without any hurt whatsoever, is rare and difficult. It takes a impeccable sense of refinement, competence and a thorough understanding of the following invaluable “3-step” approach :
- In-person or face to face – This is the most difficult mode of communication in such a situation as the reaction of the other person is completely unpredictable. But if you have been together for long, reactions from the person should be easily presumed, and this happens to be the only way. Though difficult, this mode of communication gives the impression of you being a very honest and sincere person, who speaks upfront about the non-resolvable issues coming in the way between the two of you. Just take care to go to a private place, so that even if you cry your heart out, no body can notice and you don’t create a scene in public.
- Phone – This method is best suited for relationships where neither of you have entered into any commitment. If you have seen this person a couple of times, even had a sexual fling, this is the best way where you can make your stand point clear, before the whole thing gets out of hand. This method is also more personal than e mail, which is most impersonal.
- E-mail – Perhaps the quickest mode of communication available these days, and excellent for breaking the news of a break-up. Shorter you know the person, the more suitable it is. Type the message, keep it short, press send, and bingo, you’re done.
One more option, that we have not touched in Step 1 is “avoidance”, or evading the event or the person. This happens to be the favorite of most people, because most of us, fear any form of confrontation. But nevertheless, this is a good way out, especially if you have just had a casual date or two, and have not had any sexual relationship.
Important to note here is that you should not have had any sexual relationship. However, a word of caution for you guys! Women have a habit of going deep into almost anything and your silence can give mixed or even reverse signals! He must be waiting for me to take the initiative of calling…Perhaps his feelings are starting to get very strong and he does not wish to face it now…etc. So beware guys, evaporating from her life, may not be that easy.
Preparation for the final dialogue is important and that is Step 2. Don’t ho hum during this critical meeting. Prepare and rehearse your speech, preferably with the rationale of the break up. Be completely prepared ( do some role play with a friend or by yourself) with any response that this may evoke – be prepared for the worst and be prepared with everything, logically.
The form now decided, the content is the next important issue. What will you say ?In this case, truthfulness and frankness take a back seat. You don’t have to point out how crazy you think some of his/her ideas are.
You also don’t have to let the cat out of the bag by saying its his her body odor which makes you nauseated. Put the blame squarely on your shoulder. The job needs more attention now, you are going through some other personal crisis situation, you need more time to re-organise your life, say whatever, but take it all on you. You will close the deal on a win-win note.
After reading Step 2, if you feel Eureka ! I found the way. Now its over and out. Sorry, for many it does not end so fast and easy. If you are convinced about the tactics in Step 1 and finalise the contents of your soliloquy in Step 2, hold your breath. Have you made sure that its really OVER? For many of us, not firm in our decisions, we tend to keep one window open always.
It could be that we leave our options open, or too sentimental to hurt any one else’s feelings. But let me tell you this is a dangerous thing to do, if you are really serious about the break-up. Be firm and abundantly clear about your true intentions – leave no empty zone through another entry could be made. After all, by breaking-up you are doing both of you a great favour.